Last - I

Living without her.....
my life is not prone to destiny anymore....


I am all lost ...searching for a simple thing to hold onto....
All i see is the end....to everything ...


I take steps ..to find answers to some questions.....the questions left answered...
i felt sharing my life ...with people will fetch me my answers......
Nor did she cared enough.....nor the people of the world she belongs to .....


I have no-one to go to ...other than one....
Someone....who helped through my tough times.....and with the blessings of whom
I could be the part of her life......


I was greeted by someone at the door....who welcomed me in....and 
asked me to wait for a while.....


"he is busy with some ceremony ....and will soon be here....."


This place i remember ....the first time i visited ...the place had the fruit of peace..
as all tensions came to an end ...here.....


This was the place ...where i was given a sneak peak into my future......
and i couldnt do anything about it....and now i am here....just the way i was predicted.


My focus ......shifted to the arrving steps of the person...
I bent down to touch his feet....and he blessed me....


He very well knew the reason.....but
he stopped to ask about my parents health....to which i replied affirmatively
with all the respect....


I was looking for a reason to start the topic ....and he gave me one...
and it all came in .....at once.....


U know , how i feel guility ...about what all happened to Mom....
and how i get to know....what all made it happen from you....
that really made me hate myself more ...


U warned me ....of the dangers to my life ..and to the ones i cared ...due to me..
and u asked me to stay away from them...
But 


I stopped ....to look at him...but he all did smiled.....


I did what you stopped me from.....
the most unluckiest fell in love....


So where is she ?...he asked...i would like to meet her ....he added


she left me alone , as she said ....she never loved me.....
but i am unable to realize it.....
and i dnt knw what to do......


So how are your studies going ??.....he asked just when i finished ...


i looked at him....and said.."My words dnt matter at all "....


He paused and said .."We have other problems to tackle..."


You are on a verge of dying...and this time...it would be more difficult to survive......
if you will survive ....you will live till the 30th year ...when similar situations
will again take place .....to test you ...on your willingness to live.....


And i see you ...and my hopes fear ...as you dont seem to be willing to live life more...


The fears take over ....as the day it is going to happen ..gets closer..


he just stopped there....with his words..


And I was totally not afraid ...what had made me change so much 
that i dnt care even about my life...I have to ask people to take care of me....
which they take it ..as i am asking for sympathy...
I used to never believe ....even she used to think like that...


I didnt feared about the death ..after i got to know ..
I have to live by ..just 40


Not my choice ...but not in my hands to change it either.....


I am gifted all this ...as a part of my life ...


Unluckiness 
Life till 40


a love and caring nature...that often creates problem for me....that i want people to
replicate...for me too.....