the day to the life of 40

all by my life.......i havent touched the sky yet
life wasnt miserable till i found .....my life to be exactly pondering difficulties which i cant bear

i have numerous reasons ......to give no smile
one of them.....maybe
is to be living till i turn 40

what cud it be......true.....or just some other person's view .....or charasmatic calculation through all points of my life
i dnt believe in some others .....prediction about my life

but i m forced to ..... cause the signs ....go into that person's favour....
the revealer, of what sudden kind ....could it be

life struck......at pace
while i lagged behind .....
what can i achieve .....what can i afford to loose
its all what i think of everyday....what if the life stops now.....
wud i care .....

whoever decides ....this ......the years a person cud live by in this world
showed some kind of a sympathy .....to have shown a passage of 40 to live by

do i certainly.....have to tell ....i deserved more.....
but what i have seen....knowing all i cud.....
every second to live by .....is heavy on my side......

people wud ask ......what was it ......to be always craving for death. ?
who told them i was craving....i was just keeping an option next to everything......

if u have a life......which u only not love......
its better u dnt force it on others .....to be a part off .......
let things end......before they start
only i wud be knowing the reason behind it, let them take me to be mean
they are not that important ......to be told everything......

what if it goes.....let things complete ......the way want to.....

i die ......knowing the truths each day......
trust me ......they cud have never been so bad for anyone.........passing my life....
my heart......

the situations that happened ......when i was totally not ready
to be around them....n my survival through those tough times......
really get everything.......straight
nobody is meant to be with me.....i was all alone....n wud be

how cud i ask ......someone
to speed up their ......life ......for me
all because i wanted them....to be....i loved them
all because .......i fear being alone....all because ....the fears surround me
when i m all by myself........

u came into my life.....everyhting changed for a moment
i stopped myself from telling u everything ......
but cudnt resist to be all open abt my life .....with u

i m sorry ......i did been harsh on u
ever since i started telling u the truths ......i didnt wanted to
to anyone......but it stays .......except for u

but all i wished ....i cud tell u ....
maybe it was too early .....for u
but kind of .....the time was running for me.......

u had ur reasons.......for not deciding the moment
but i had reasons ........to be waiting there for u
wishing u wud be for me......

it all goes rough on me......
when u chose .....to let go
all what we shared .....all that remained
enclosed .....in my heart
maybe coz ......it was only me.....for whom........they valued
priceless

maybe .......i shudnt have ever known.........
or maybe..........i shudnt have shown......