day ......nomore

its today.......
i see......when i open my eyes.......

the first thing i did .....was to check the mobile for ur calls or msgs......
none......
i realized .......i had woke up too early......
but it was .....4 in the evening the time.........

i moved myself.....to get clean and fresh ......for the rest of my day
but still .....my wudnt stop thinking abt .......what made u ......not call or msg

seriously, my head .......wud blast with the reasons i cud think off.......
i wud see myself.....without u
a tear , wud drop from my eye

to have loved u
n still not have u ......by my side
is just left to sigh.....

u went......and everything went with u........
i feel like ....i dnt deserve .......to be in this world again
but
i stop myself.....from doing anything
coz this world .....is the only way to see u again and again

i wud grab myself......to procede with my day.......
wud grab a book to read....
but wud get lost in......the fears and pleads........

i m unable to beat them.....so they take over me......
and i m left ......crying .....until
my eyes dry out........

i remember signifying .....someone ....from my past as my girlfriend....
but maybe.....she did forget.......
i had confessed all my past story to her....and i never made any mention of that there.....
so what made her think of that.......
unless she meant to hurt me.......

people like me.....doesnt deserve ......someone special......
we are meant to be alone......(i wish people like me only contain me....)
they are meant ......to give it all away
n never complain or ask for return........

we are meant to be crushed .......so that someone .......more important in terms of whatever she wish for...
can step over us ......to be part of that someones life .....whom we love.....

hey,
how r u ?
wassup ?

thats all.....what our mutual friend ....wud text me
trying to show concern.....at the time.....when i m full of it......
concerned abt
what i was ?
what i m ?
do i really love her ?
have i done things wrong ?
did i expressed in a wrong way ?
am i not meant to be important ?
do i wish or expect too much ?

shud i never love ?...coz i cant fullfill her wishes ?
am i meant to move on ?....when ppl get over me ........

i m concerned .......coz everytime.....i tried ........everything remained constant ......
but not me......i got destroyed ......everytime......with the damages ......twice as before.....
but she ruined me....complete apocalyspse

just because.....she wanted her happiness .....to be stagnant......who was getting influenced by me .....and my
behavior.......

i miss her.....
the girl who told me.....

"i m always there for u......whenever u need me "

"i have no problem ......to be victim of ur frustration or anger.......its just i wanna see u happy"

............
everything wud stop for me.....for a while.....those moments be with me......
and then .....i wud be found chasing them in reality.....

where they never existed.......
she said......i do not live in  reality.....

just because .....everything that gives me happiness ......is not in real.....
and i like a mad person......try to chase those in this world.....to be my support ....
to be in this real world of her.........

people laugh at me..........some alike me.....stop me
coz they tried .....and got nothing so they stopped..........

but i give them ....just a smile
n say
" she cared for me so much ....that she must have left me something in this world......which wud help me live....."