"Its always been about you "

"Its always been about you "




Her favorite line...trying to emotionally blackmail me...
when everything failed ....and i was still annoyed ..


Again, today ..i tried making her realize ....i did had special feelings for her...
but her total ignorance to my efforts ...is certainly ..heightened.....


I feel like ...I was never a part of her life ....
when she made it too tough to make her realize .....


" I need some time ".....


her reply...she never gave any negative response ...to my beliefs 
maybe ...i was her toy....she played with ...
as she is aware of what mattered to me the most ....


I used to reply ...i wont stop trying .....until she herself said that ....
but that promise ...never could be the part of her reality ...


She would feel happy and forget what all had happened...
and the next time ....the story would remain the same......


neither she was interested in letting me know of the reason ...of her disapproval
neither she was interested in letting me go......


When he used to call.....she would just be someone else...
and in front of me...someone else.....


I was someone important ...just for the sake of me.....
and he is important .....for the sake of everything , her life holds for....


She always preached reality and practicality ....while she was far away ...
from even being a bit of them....


She never understood me...
as she never understood what i meant ...


she calls herself ...mature ..
but she is still a child ...


I know i am wrong all this while ..i have lived upto ....
bearing every fault that turned into a mistake ...that cant be justified nor 
can be resolved....just liked an engraved part of my life ...


just like a scar..which reminds of the happenings in the past..


I used to fear future...from getting influenced from the past..
as it showed my life was not worth living....


The day i told her my secrets...why i hated my life so much..why is it so difficult 
to be with me....


She grabbed on whatever she felt like useful...
but never understood ....


I would never say ..I am perfect for you....
I know there are hundreds of boys ..who would be just like the way you wish for...
I dnt know ....How much my love is ?...and how much it matters to you...


I just wanna say " I love you "
I cant promise you the change but i'll try to change for the rest of my life...
according to your wish ..." 


I have seen ..people change ...when someone ..makes them feel too important 
Others just feel ...that the person needs to move forward..
and the person who makes that person important , ends up ..hurting sentiments ,
making a joke out of its life ...for others to laugh on...


I dnt blame the person , who felt so important ...nor the world does ..
with the difference being that i love that person and that person is a part of the world


If i would be found mentioning on the streets to a random stranger ....
about ....the world only thinking about themselves ..and just wanna be a part of 
someones life ....for a gain....
gain being ..he is resourceful....and they can utilize it well....
and these people .are always found lacking the power..to be themselves in life ...
they survive on others....


I LL be called MAD by that stranger and others earing my thoughts which i 
shared....as they are too comfortable with this fact ...in their life ....
and they don't care about me.......


Atlast i am paid too much for taking care of her......
protecting her from my unluckiness....
and expected her ...to believe in my feelings......


She is not a child , she can take care of herself....all she used to complain
when i tried to take care of her....


I felt bad when my care would turn into her grief.....
I know i am very bad ..at helping you to be with me....


that's why i am out of your life.....
not because of we want different things from life .....


its just that you never wished for someone like me....in your life....