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Friday, April 27, 2012

Unkown - I






Making way through the past , my life dies a million run of future at a time
But the crave to find all the answers 
what drives me to go back......


her words are still fresh in my mind :


"if u really wanna know , what happened 
go back and realize urself ...."


Maybe she wants make her self not be blamed ....or whatever reason she has for it.


its hard for me to go back ....but i have to ...
just to be with u .....


even if i dnt at my own will , life makes me run back ....for something i lost ...
some precious than my own life i had .....


running back through time , those happier moments are still alive ...who are so unknown to the dark
future ...ahead in time ......


there u r my sweet goli( sweetest person alive) and i m ur sweet nautanki (actor).
the care ...the will to do anything for u .....is still alive ......
thats not what i had lost in the present ....the thing that makes me die ..is the blind faith i had in u .....


Unfortunately , i miss it ...its something i am missing in the present life ....
A life ...where i m just suffering ...
to have lost everything i put faith in ...that just goes away in a flash ....


I have given u ..back ...all what i had taken away ...
a profile , without me ....
a picture , without my comments ....
a mobile , without my call and messages ......


the most important , the waste of ur precious time i did ......


it all relates to a journey ....an unplanned one ....
where life made me experience ....everything we shared ....


I was not at all knowing ..anything that was going to happen ....
I had a day of past ...knocking on the door of my life ...
saying : " here are ur moments that u spent ...happily "
they were just needed to be remembered again "


I sat in the bus , cursing myself ...again for every wrong thing that was happening that day
it was not about the things that were going wrong , it was the life ....that had taken a wrong turn ,
to have left her behind ...or she may have willingly stepped out ....
I m restless about journeying this life without her .....


the bus conductor ....asked me to buy the ticket ...
to which i handed over the money to him and marked my destination ......the end point of the route of the
bus ....I was unaware of the route of the bus ...the only thing i was sure of was that it would make me
reach my destination ...


the journey started ....
i was calmed ....i had my phone .....
and just to take my mind of things ...i started to read the messages ....
but it was of no good ...as my mobile never had a single message from anyother person
....my inbox was full with her messages ...ranging from a simple "hi " to a message wishing good morning ......
from her enquiring  questions ...to her excuses ...for something wrong ....
they all were still there ....


i cudnt take my eyes off my mobile , as i loved reading her messages ...as in that way i felt somewhat nearer to her
but the bus stopped ...getting out the conjusted market ...near a park ....
it was where she celebrated her cousin's birthday ....
i am reminded of all what we talked ....that day .....even when the signal problem was there ......
but we were connected .....


I looked back ....and i saw the flint of hills ....in the background ....
i softly said to myself ...." i was correct shona , the hills are visible from here " .....


the bus went on .....
as if  as if asked by the surroundings ...to hurridly move on......
as mybe they were getting bothered...they all felt saying ...independently
" I dnt want u to here , plzz leave and i never called u bacK....."


so the bus , moved on ...and i read her messages .....
the message i came across was ...." hey "
the reason of her overwhelming approach to start the conversation was ...that " she had hit herself ,while travelling on her activa " .....
i was agitated by this ....i had no words then ...
but had just one thing ....on my mind .....
" just wanted her to recover back to normal ...."


i called her stupid , uncaring , and evrything i felt like calling her sweetly , 
i had a mix of reactions ..anger and care both fighting each other to dominate me .....but both fell weak simultaneously
the anger of a lover ...and the care ...she used to ask upon by telling me everything ....


Shona , u changed to me ....the person who never wished to be surviving on sympathies , had 
nothing else to look for from others ......
So , i wish to keep the distance from others ......


(to be continued....)

2 comments:

  1. I don't know what to say about this post. I'm shocked. How can be you so good in expressing this? Waiting for the next part eagerly.
    Story in pieces

    ReplyDelete
  2. Very well penned. Accurately captured the feelings a lot of us have gone through...

    ReplyDelete