Unknown IV

I was afraid ..as i had my experiences to fear that....
Been totally lost to life and lost in life ..
everything sets too apt for my introduction....


She would ask me everytime..she got a chance ...
"What is that secret about you ?"
i couldnt tell...and i cudnt lie to her too...
so i just told her ..."The day you wish to leave , the day i ll make my last try
to stop you ....by telling you the secret ...even when i am aware of the fact , that it 
wont stop you ..but it would strengthen your steps ahead ..."


and then she would just laugh...and change the topic ...


I always knew that she would leave me ....to move forward in life ..
the fact i had kept closer to me ....more than she was..


Shona, that was the name ....i gave her 
and maybe untolerable to her .....so she would ask me to speak her name instead 
of all this .....
Sometimes , the way she used to say , did hurt ..but i never felt too bad or 
i just ignored it ...


"Shona 
No matter , how much you hurt me.....i can never even think of getting hurted for all
those small reasons ...by you.
You are more important to me ....than even me....."


I wish to take those words back.....as it gave her unlimited chances to hurt me...
and me being fine with everything she did.....


even sometimes i feel , she did everything purposely....
as she never wanted me .....
but the heart never agrees to what the mind has to say..
the heart still awaits her comeback.....


I just had nothing to say to anyone...as everyone blamed me for everything
her friends ..and every other person...(who knew nothing about what happened)


she got away ...from realizing she did anything wrong 
Maybe ..realizing may have made her comeback....
and no-one wanted us to be together...


After she broke my trust, i dnt trust anyone ....
and i wish to be alone...


I was all by myself ...again .....having heard of a rejection...
this was the time ....i was prone to accept anything that promised her presence
in my life ...
Was it out of greed ? 
definetly not ....
I felt ..everything was going against me..as i let her leave 
knowing that she was someone whom i love...


(to be continued...)